Oh silly me! Long ago in a place not far away I made a deal with Spirit and myself. The pact was simple: I wanted to learn and grow in my psychic and spiritual self to serve my highest good. Oh brother!
That set the tone for what I am doing and what I continue to do – no matter what happens.
What I didn’t know then was that my greatest obstacle would be myself. My ego-self to be exact. For those of you new to this ego perpetuates fear, self absorption, and demands attention. Ego is attached to the material, the outer appearances, and loves to be ahead of the game. Ego loves to prove it’s right, that it holds something no one else has, and is a show-off. It is also abusive – it puts us down to keep us in fear of growing. It lets us know that we cannot survive with out that job, that car, that partner, that education etc. It tells us we are not good enough, not evolved enough and not worthy of what we want. Ego wants us to believe we are separate from Spirit and will fight to keep it’s control over us. Our soul longs to be at one with God, our ego disavows that is possible. Ego can also make those on the Spiritual path believe they are ascended, awakened, and evolved without doing any of the heavy labor needed to balance the ego’s hold on us. Ego is the ultimate trickster.
The good news is that Spirit is trickier, and that also is the bad news.
Spirit is unity, love, harmony, creation, truth, acceptance and magic – to name a few. But to be in the energy of Spirit one cannot be ruled by ego. Once I set the intention to grow in spiritual awareness to serve my highest good – anything I did or thought, that was not of Spirit created chaos in my life, until I surrendered the ego and released fear, illusion, judgment and separation. The powerful fear of the ego cannot have hold of us if we are to truly be in harmony with the All That Is. Ego must exist in this realm to help us have an identity, and personality, but the attachment to our identity and personality must lose it’s grip in order to harmonize with the power of Spirit.
When I set the intention above I was unknowingly agreeing to release all attachment to what defined me; the ego attachments of who I thought I was and should be. In order to do that I went through what some call the dark night of the soul. Over the period of 5 years, I lost – my health, my marriage, my car, my job, my money, and my home. I was attached to all of it, so it all had to go. Every Spiritual teacher I have faith and trust in has been through even tougher times than I have.
I naively started down this path focusing on only the love, the miracles and the joy of connecting to Spirit, unaware of what I had to give up in order to do it. Now I look back and laugh at myself for being so silly.
Being a spiritual practioner to serve the highest good is not for the faint of heart. It is not for you if you do not have the courage to release what has hold of you, if you are not honestly and courageously facing your fears and walking through them. There will be battle scars, there will be confrontation of death, there will be pain. For some the act of surrender is easy, for others it is a battle to the brink of existence. If you are successful you will wake up in the morning to find miracles surround you and flow through you.
Now I have more than I ever gave up. Now I have a life of miracles and wonder. What I have now is worth more than all the cars, homes, fitness, husbands and money there is. I am given vision of my true self and now know who I truly am. Every step I take is a walk into the abyss of the unknown. Everyday for me now is an act of Faith. Spirit reminds me daily: without Faith there can be no miracles, and when you act on Faith you will have miracles. I am grateful I was so naive to ask to walk this path. This life has not been easy, yet it is joy-filled, miraculous, and awe-some.
We gather our courage, muster our strength, build our fortitude and surrender to Spirit and Faith shall create the bridge over the abyss one brick at a time.
Janet Kadow 