When we lose someone who was part of our life it is hard. It is hard even if we did not like them, or if we haven’t seen them for some time. Grief still happens. Grief still occurs, and it occurs on all levels of consciousness. It is a process that we go through whether we know it or not and it takes its own time. It cycles through our being on every level; mental, emotional, physical, and soul levels. It comes in waves, and floods and deep pain. For a normal healthy person, this process can take at least a year, even if they were not a significant person in your life or if they were an abuser who you hated. In those cases, the process may not appear as dramatic as losing a spouse, close friend or a family member but it still occurs.
Whatever the person was to you in your life their death will bring up the negative and positive of who they were to you and amplify it. Loss also amplifies guilt. Grief and guilt go hand in hand in many cases. What we didn’t say or did say, what we didn’t do or did do brings up feelings of regret and guilt. The longer and more intimate your relationship the more profound feelings of regret and guilt will be. Most healthy people can come to terms with what was through reflection and acceptance. In an emotionally unhealthy person, these feelings of regret and guilt can manifest in anger, blame, shame and can even become a lifelong process of pain.
Talking to the other side should not be this complicated, so why do I bring up grief? Because as spiritual practitioners we need to be aware that those wishing to connect to a lost loved one are in a state of loss, even if it has been years since the crossing. All these emotions of pain, loss, regret, and guilt may be playing a part in their desire to connect. On the other hand, if they have worked through the pain they will still feel the loss but have made peace with the past and no longer feel regret and guilt. Those who have done work with their grief will be easy to assist and most likely their loved one will be easy to connect with. It is much harder to connect with those on the other side if the one on this side is still in the throes of grief and the myriad of emotions that come with it. Every medium who wishes to assist people to reconnect with lost loved ones needs to be aware of what state the person is in.
Life beyond the veil that keeps heaven and Earth in separate realms is a mystery to us on Earth. It will always be a mystery. We have hints and clues of what it is like for those who have crossed, but we have very little understanding of it outside of religious teaching, which creates belief, that may or may not be the reality. In spiritual things, I go with what I experience and what I have been taught by Spirit directly and what I have learned from communicating with those who have crossed – those are the sources for my insight and my teaching. No other spiritual teacher, religious teacher or tradition influences by belief about the other side. I encourage all people at all times to seek the truth for themselves and don’t take my word for it. Seek out answers from your own guidance and you will know the truth when you get it. I teach connecting with Spirit so everyone can get the truth from the source of their own knowing. This is key to connecting with those on the other side. Do not be influenced by judgment, or your belief about what they should be going through in the other realm. If they did bad things in life are they condemned by God or karma to pay for their bad things? My guidance says there is no punishment in the Spirit realm, but this is a good question to ask and answer for yourself. It is also a good question to ask those you are assisting to connect with their lost loved one. What do they believe about what has happened to their person once they left the Earth? Their belief is going to have an impact on whether or not they will be able to speak with someone who has crossed over.
In my experience the most difficult crossing is suicide. Every religious tradition condemns it and speaks of suffering – sometimes for eternity – of those who left this world by their own doing. This is traumatic for those who lost someone to suicide. It is profoundly painful for those in this side to think of someone they love in eternal suffering. Think of a mother losing her child to suicide only to have a priest tell them that their child is now condemned to hell by God. Coping with loss and the deep pain of eternal damnation is a torture that may last the rest of her life. My guidance says differently, but belief is a powerful force that cannot be changed overnight. My guidance says suicide is a result of mental illness and sometimes physical illness. No normal healthy person commits suicide. Illness is always the cause. Illness being the cause of suicide it is no different than cancer or some other disease that ends with death. I have spoken to those who have crossed due to suicide and not one has ever said they were being punished.
For that matter, no one I have ever spoken to on the other side has ever mentioned any negative experience being there. They are all in Spirit, with Spirit and very well indeed. They are always happy, always joyful and always willing to help the ones they left behind. No one has ever said, “it’s really hot here, get me out!” Not once.
Why do those in Spirit want to communicate with us? The connection of love goes beyond this physical world. They still love us. They want to help us in our lives in any way they can and every time we ask. They are not counting all the times you hurt them, they are not rehashing old wounds, they are free of the challenging dynamics of living in the world. That freedom is difficult for us to comprehend but if we can at least intellectually understand that they hold no grudges then we can allow for their love and help in our lives even though they are not physically with us. All we need to do is allow it. If we are still in the energy of regret and have not worked through their crossing to accept it, then it will be difficult to get their help and therefore difficult to connect with them even through a medium.
When someone crosses they do want to help those who are grieving their loss and the messages a medium will get demonstrate that. The first thing the medium will get is an identifier – such as the medium will describe the person or a common object that the one in Spirit was associated with. This is to tell them that they in Spirit are really coming through. The next thing that comes through is that they are happy, sometimes they will say they are with another person who crossed before them and they are happy. This is to ease the mind of the one in grief. Even the most enlightened spiritual person has a fear of the person crossing as lost, alone or suffering. That worry exists even if it is hidden in the unconscious. Therefore, this second message is to help ease that worry. The third message is the most important. The third message is about forgiveness. This is important. This is THE reason people connect with those who have crossed into Spirit, even if they don’t know it. They either want to say ‘I’m sorry’ or hear ‘I’m sorry’. This has great power. Do not underestimate it. Even if the person wanting to connect is so enlightened as to hold no grudges, and has accepted that any hurt they may have caused the one in Spirit was in due course and they are already forgiven, no intellectual reasoning can replace the power of connecting with the one in Spirit and hearing “I forgive you” or “will you forgive me?”. Nothing holds power like that does. Nothing facilitates healing like that does. The tears may flow at this point and that is how we know the healing is happening. I have sobbed in sessions where I was channeling the messages from a loved one in Spirit. I am sobbing on behalf of the one who no longer has need of tears, this relief of tears is powerful. My clients have sobbed in deep release of the sorrow they have held at bay for so long. This is the power of connecting to those in spirit, those who have left the world behind but still hold deep love for those who feel their departure on a cellular level. This is the healing power of being a medium. All psychics are healers and healing through a devastating loss is the most extraordinary gift we can share.
Once we move through the feelings of regret, guilt, and grief we are able to communicate with our lost loved one on a new level. We can invite them to assist us with our troubles. We can ask them to pave the way of ease through a difficult situation. They will gratefully and joyfully assist all they can, and they can assist in a great many ways. Our parents, siblings, friends and all those we love who have moved into the world of Spirit are always with you and always ready to assist you and will always be a part of your life and who you are.
Janet Kadow 